Jeff Foxworthy does Star Wars, The Redneck Stomp
Star Wars the Redneck Stomp
Jeff Foxworthy does Star Wars, Redneck style.
October 30, 2007
October 29, 2007
103 Krystal Hamburgers in 8 Minutes - Amazing Feat of Competitive Eating
If Americans are anything, they are competitive. Joey Chestnut again rules the eating world with the Krystal Hamburger eating championship. Noticeably absent is the great Kobayashi who downed 98 last year.
Here are the official results, no reversals of fortune that I noticed.
The official results are as follows:
Joey “Jaws” Chestnut, San Jose, CA - 103
“Humble Bob” Shoudt - Philadelphia, Pa. - 95
Pat “Deep Dish” Bertoletti, Chicago, Ill. - 94
Tim “Eater X” Janus, New York, NY -74
Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas, Alexandria, Va. - 58
Rich “The Locust” LeFevre, Henderson, Nev. - 53
Hall “Hoover” Hunt - Jacksonville, Fla. - 52
Chip “The Phenom” Simpson - BIrmingham, Ala. - 49
Erik “The Red” Denmark, Seattle, Wash. - 45
“Crazy Legs” Conti - New York, N.Y. - 45
Juliet Lee, Germantown, Md. - 44
Tim “Gravy” Brown, Chicago, Ill. - 38
Allen “Shredder” Goldstein, Plainview, N.Y. - 34
I’m still a guy
Last week I took my son shooting, then to Karate. This week I get to go to the Rennsport Reunion at Daytona International Speedway. Like Brad Paisley says, I don’t highlight my hair, I’ve still got a pair, yea honey…I’m still a guy.
It’s great to be full of testosterone….no girly men here.
Click on the link to listen, here are the words.
When you see a deer you see Bambi And I see antlers up on the wall When you see a lake you think picnic And I see a large mouth up under that log You’re probably thinking that you’re going to change me In some ways well maybe you might Scrub me down, dress me up but remember no matter what I’m still a guy When you see a priceless French painting I see drunk, naked girls You think that riding a wild bull sounds crazy And I’d like to give it a whirl Well love makes a man do some things he ain’t proud of And in a weak moment I might walk your sissy dog, hold your purse at the mall But remember, I’m still a guy I’ll pour out my heart Hold your hand in the car Write a love song that makes you cry Then turn right around knock some jerk to the ground ‘Cause he copped a feel as you walked by I can hear you now talking to your friends Saying, “Yeah girls he’s come a long way” From dragging his knuckles and carrying a club And building a fire in a cave But when you say a backrub means only a backrub Then you swat my hand when I try Well, what can I say at the end of the day Honey, I’m still a guy I’ll pour out my heart Hold your hand in the car Write a love song that makes you cry Then turn right around knock some jerk to the ground ‘Cause he copped a feel as you walked by These days there’s dudes getting facials Manicured, waxed and botoxed With deep spray-on tans and creamy lotiony hands You can’t grip a tacklebox With all of these men lining up to get neutered It’s hip now to be feminized I don’t highlight my hair I’ve still got a pair Yeah honey, I’m still a guy Oh my eyebrows ain’t plucked There’s a gun in my truck Oh thank God, I’m still a guy
October 27, 2007
50 Things you can do with Vaseline
Get your minds out of the gutter, these came from a reputable source and are safe for work. The main one I see that is missing is putting it on the bird feeder pole to stop squirrels from climbing up your bird feeder. However, it is good for a few things not listed here…;-D
1. Put a coat on your eyelashes before you go to bed. Lots of people swear by this - and say it will make your lashes grow longer and thicker over time.
2. Put a coat of vaseline on your feet at night, cover them with socks and wake up to softer feet - every day!
3. Put vaseline on your elbows every day - they will stay soft!
4. Put Vaseline on your cuticles several times a day for softer and better looking cuticles every day.
5. Put Vaseline on chapped lips
6. Use Vaseline as lip gloss
7. Mix a little vaseline with a little Kool-Aid powder and make a colored and flavored lip gloss!
8. Melt vaseline and one chocolate chip in the microwave, mix and let resolidify for chocolate lip gloss!
9. Maintains perfume scent longer when applied at perfume points before spritzing the perfume.
10. Can be used as a moisturizer for acne sufferers (it is a misconception that it clogs pores)
11. Moisturizes severe dry skin
12. Use Vaseline on your knees to prevent that dry, ashy look
13. Mix with sea salts to make a scrub!
14. Applying Vaseline on your teeth prevents lips from sticking to teeth for celebrities and contestants in beauty pageants who smile a lot
15. Applied on teeth before applying lipstick prevents lipstick from sticking on them
16. Massage, baby!
17. Warmed up can be used as a night cream
18. Makeup remover
19. Protects skin exposed to adverse weather
20. Applied under eye shadow it can create a shiny effect
21. Applied on cheeks for a dewy look
22. Can be used to smooth and soothe skin after shaving
23. Used in manicures under cuticles
24. Gets rid of dry skin lines which can arise from washing
25. Lubricates ear lobes and helps to make earring insertion easy and painless
26. Keeps fingernails pliable and resilient
27. Use with your lipstick to create a cream blusher for your cheeks
28. Helps to ease off stuck on rings
29. Tames unruly eyebrows
30. Defines eyelashes and leaves them with a glossy and waterproof look
31. Conditions scalp pre-shampooing
32. Can help prevent chaffing
33. Aids with healing after cosmetic surgery procedures
34. Reduces scaling and itching associated with dandruff
35. Theraputic when applied to lesions caused by poison ivy
36. Can help improve condition of those with atopic eczema
37. Helps heal and protect new tattoos
38. Can protect against harmful hair dyeing, perming and straightening chemicals when used as a mask around the hairline
39. Use a tiny dab to put a quick shine on your shoes and bags
40. Smear a tiny bit on your hands and scrunch through your hair for a choppy look
41. Use just a touch on the ends of your hair to hide dry and split ends
42. Remove makeup stains from clothing
43. Rub Vaseline on the neck of your nail polish bottles and they won’t get stuck to the caps
44. Make your week old nail polish look new again - rub a small dab over the polish.
45. Use a touch of Vaseline mixed with powder eyeshadow pigment to make new colors, or a more solid eyeshadow that won’t get all over your face when you put it on.
46. Stretch your favorite lotion by mixing it with Vaseline.
47. Put Vaseline on your lips, leave it a few minutes, then scrub your lips with a toothbrush to exfoliate and leave them SO smooth
48. Remove false eyelash glue from your lash line
49. Apply a small amount on dry spots on your body before fake tanning lotions are applied, and prevent uneven tanning!
50. Generously apply Vaseline all over before taking flights to combat associated dryness
October 25, 2007
On Briefing Analysts, When You Can’t Say Everything You Want To
Good Things about Analyst Relations
One of the times I like being in Analyst Relations is when we get into the depths of conversation on strategy or impending/upcoming products that we are announcing. Granted, it’s better when you are introducing a killer like an iPhone, but it’s extremely helpful if you’ve got a product or strategy that needs work and the analysts are the perfect sounding board to make it better. I’ve felt the energy in the room rise on both sides about how we’ve made something better. The transparency is great and I believe in it whenever possible.
Back in the Day
Part of this is being able to talk prior to an announcement, even months (I’ve done years but it’s rare unless you are BS’ing) about exactly what we are doing. Back in the day when I used to do PR, you could only talk on announcement day unless you had a very special relationship with someone who could hold a story or it’s an exclusive. You are still only talking a few days prior to announcement and you are not going into the depths of strategy that it takes months/years to develop. In fact, you have to not say more than you say to the press for fear of being misquoted or misunderstood.
When you can’t say what you want to say
There are times when you can’t say everything you want to say, or even anything. I always feel bad as I have built trusting relationships with the analysts I work with and have even told them things that don’t put us in the best light, but it shows the trust we have in each other.
The Why’s of not being able to disclose
The first one is the easiest and most logical, it’s against the law. It’s no secret that IBM or any other big company (Oracle anyone?) buys other companies. The law doesn’t allow you to talk about it, period. What’s not said is that for every company that’s bought, there could be ten other deals that fell through. How would we look if we bragged and got it right only 10 percent of the time? Creditable, I don’t think so.
Change in strategy is another. This could be for the reason above so we’re restricted externally. There is an engagement point with analysts when you can talk about your strategy, but usually you have to have one that’s being worked on. Sure there are times when we say what should we do, but for the most part we’re saying here’s what we are planning, can you help us move it along or tell us where we are misguided. Again, we’d like to tell everything we are doing, but a lot of strategies get shot down internally when they are actually farther along that you’d imagine. I’ve been on calls where the analyst would say why don’t you do this and we are, but then it dies an internal death so keeping your mouth shut was better.
Change in Senior executive, which usually leads to change in strategy. I file this under internal laundry. Sometimes it’s a big “who cares”, and other times you may be bringing someone in from the outside and you just can’t say anything or violate contracts.
The Hard Ones
There are times that we chose not to talk for other reasons. They are not pleasant, but still exist. The first one is a broken trust between analyst and company. I’ve always said that communications is a two way street, so both parties have a dog in this hunt. I’ve seen trust broken on both sides (all though usually one party is the sinner) and it hurts your relationship. A better mind than I once told me that trust is like virginity, you only lose it once.
Here’s another uncomfortable one, when you know something is coming up report wise and you don’t want to shoot yourself in the foot. I’ve not experienced this personally, but have watched it go on as a spectator. It was the right thing to do as a change was going on internally, but the parties couldn’t legally talk about it as a paper was being published and there was nothing that could have been done. It would have changed the point of view of the issue at hand and ultimately would have been wrong. It was the right decision, but it was all kinds of uncomfortable about what should the parties not say.
One other time is when the analyst brings up a view on something we should do, and we have other knowledge that clearly indicates that we shouldn’t. But we can’t say to the analyst you’re wrong, just that we’ll consider it. This sometimes gives the impression that we aren’t listening or don’t value their opinion, but the powers that be don’t allow us to do what’s being suggested.
Here’s one that some choose not to do. Talk about a bad product. I’ve chosen to bring a product to an analyst just to get it shot down because it was a loser, and the analyst happily obliged. The insecure in analyst relations usually don’t have the testicular fortitude to do this. There are other times when the right thing to do was just not say anything. It would have been a big who cares anyway.
My View
I am for telling what you know to the analyst. Don’t schedule the briefing or whatever venue you are going to engage in unless you are willing to speak your mind or unless you are willing to say we don’t have a clue. I recall one time when we did that and it was the birth of the developerWorks Blog site.
Rarely do I consider an uncomfortable subject to blog about, but today was the day.
October 24, 2007
24 - The Season 7 Trailer
As I type this, the Season 7 Trailer is little more than 23 hours away. I am holding the writers hostage for a real plot this year.
The actual season has been delayed by the wild fires as shooting on the Marine Base El Toro had to be postponed. I wonder where the Marines fit into the plot?
I’m also hoping Kiefer Sutherland can stay sober while driving so they can finish the season.
October 18, 2007
Apple opens up to 3rd party devlopment on the iPhone - why it will live and not die
Apple announced that there will be an SDK for the iPhone for 3rd party developers starting in February, even though there are many 3rd party applications already developed.
Why this matters. Having been in the technology industry, I’ve seen many great products die (token ring, Micro Channel) and average products (Windows) prosper. It’s not magical to see that adoption of the product is a major reason. Even the biggest company can’t ram a product down consumers throats if they don’t want it or it doesn’t fit their needs.
Here is an example. The PS/2, based on the Micro-Channel Architecture was way ahead of it’s time with a new bus design that was better than the standard IBM compatible bus that morphed into PCI and on from there. IBM chose to keep it closed to third parties at the time and the clones wars were in full speed mode with Compaq leading the way. I think we all know the history of who won and what design we now use. Who even uses the Micro-Channel?
I worked at a company who tried to make 3rd party add on’s to the PS/2 back then and we had to reverse engineer the architecture then build a product without a rulebook. Hard, but we did it and learned more about the product than all but a couple of IBM’rs. But it was so hard to build an buy 3rd party hardware and software that the industry did what human nature does, take the path of least resistance.
I hope to own an iPhone one day as everyone I’ve talked to loves it (for the most part with the biggest complaint being the lack of add on’s). I’ve watched the iBrick episode and saw doom for a good product. Why stifle creativeness on a good platform? Well, maybe Apple saw the same thing and just wanted more control over the 3rd party, imagine that from Steve Jobs.
Anyway, this will allow the device to grow into far more than Apple imagined. Harness the power of an industry and industrious capitalists and the future is unlimited.
October 15, 2007
Is Nascar Contageous? How to spit on a big voter constituency
The Democrat NASCAR Moment
How much more can’t you get the southern vote? This not the way to win friends Washington.
Event Hell or, 1 Event 2 Events 3 Events 4…5 Potato 6 Potato 7 Potato more
There is something about this time of year. All of the major Analyst firms have or just completed events, and IBM and other vendors are doing the same. Within IBM, each division is hosting their own events (Hardware, Software, SMB and so forth), so add a couple there.
This brings up some questions and complexities. How can you get to all the events if you are an analyst? How can you get to all the analyst events if you are a vendor? Are they all really necessary? What if they were held in Second life or virtual knowing that video conferencing isn’t going to work on this scale?
I’m not going to answer every question, but they are relevant to ask. Time is not just a commodity, it is valuable, and in some cases a currency. Travel is a royal PITA these days and it’s making one ask is it really worth it? Let’s talk about these things.
IBM Events
Multiple IBM events are easy to manage if you are a specialized analyst. Cover your area. Hardware analysts need not go to Software events (oh yes they will want to soon!!!!) and so forth. Smaller or generalist analysts need to cover all of IBM for their company. Is it possible to make all the events? Can you stomach that many days of IBM speak?
Well, yes it is necessary in some respects. We give direct access to the executives running the show and influencing the industry. No in other respects. We event the snot out of the industry and sometimes all you have to do is wait for the next one. Homework is key here. Getting to the right event is important. I’ll give a hint to analysts, if you have a good relationship with your A/R person, you can decide this together. With their own events happening, not all analysts can come to our events as they have to do theirs…Enough of the analyst perspective.
From our perspective it is also tough. Many times you have to support your executive at similar and related events. For me, we’ve recently had or will have STG, VC, SMB and our own event. All related, but different in terms of support. How do you not say the same thing over and over again? We also must be conscious of the audience and topic so as to speak correctly and directly to it.
What about things we can’t control? For example, what if our message is a competing message to another division or group? For example, we partner and compete with Oracle, SAP and other companies. Those are friends to one group and foes to another. How many copies of Windows do you think our server division sells, along with our own? It’s easy if you are a one product or a one industry company, not an option for IBM. With complexity comes, well…complexity.
Analyst events
Last week was Forrester Groundswell, Gartner Symposium and upcoming is the IDC Software Alliance Leadership Council. One can’t be in two places at once, so what’s the priority? When our executives go to an analyst conference and speak to analysts, what will we have to say just days later at our conference with the same analyst? Go to what you can, and have time for.
How much is too much
I think we (Analyst relations and Analyst companies) are in the throws of trying to figure this question out. It was a good model that got overplayed I think. Meeting often is good, but can you meet yourself to a point of saturation? Time must pass for strategy and execution to play out or be re-developed. Personally, I think we need to reduce, combine or space out our events a bit more.
Second life is not the answer, personal touch is.
I wish I could report that Second Life would be the panacea for this issue, but it is not. Sure it would cut down on travel, but the second word in A/R is relations. We need the interaction, but we need the right amount. A good event gives you plenty to discuss and transmit your strategy, interact with the pundits who evaluate the industry and tighten relationships…but the 64 thousand dollar question is how much is too much?
