Tacky Christmas Yards

Hat Tip to TackyChristmasyards.com

While I like the ones that make the Griswalds look like global warming advocates…I had to go with the two deer above.
Merry Christmas!

Great Holiday Music Straight No Chaser - 12 Days

Listen to this talent.

Murphy’s Mothers Laws

With credit to Murphy’s Laws site.

• Mothers only offer advice on two occasions: when you want it and when you don’t..
• A mother’s love is a better cure than chicken soup, but chicken soup is cheaper.
• Your mother is the only person that knows more about you than you know about yourself.
• Any time you are unable to solve a problem, ask your mother. She probably won’t know either, but she will fake it.
• Maternal instinct is stronger than any force known except an IRS collection agent.
• The more you try to stay on your mother’s good side the harder it will be to figure out which side this is.
• The nicer a mother is, the greater the probability that her kids are rotten.
• If you can’t remember whether or not you called your mother, you didn’t.
• The motherly advice you ignore will always turn out to be the best advice she ever gave you.
• If you forget, mom will remind you of all your mistakes so you don’t repeat them.
• Anything you do can be criticized by your mother - even doing nothing.
• Never criticize your mother’s cooking if you expect to get any more of it.
• If you think you have any secrets from your mother, remember who has changed your diapers.
• You can’t “out mother” your mother. Don’t even try.
• Never lie to your mother. And if you do, never think you got away with it.
• The harder you try to hide something from your mother, the more she resembles a webcam.
• The older you are, the more you feel like a child around your mother.
• All mother’s have a “How To” manual. That’s because they wrote the book.
• Mother’s way is best. If you don’t believe it, ask her.
• Everything is a good idea till you mother finds out and tells you why it isn’t.
• One mother is company, two is a psychic reading, three is a hen party, four is a bridge club.
• If you don’t have time to study the drivers’ manual, drive your mother somewhere and get a quick refresher course.
• When you are broke, ask mom for a loan. She will help you remember what you wasted all your money on.
• The more expensive the gift you give your mother, the longer she will “save” it before she uses it.
• No matter how wrong you are, your mother will not hold it against you. She may remind you a number of times, but she will not hold it against you.
• No matter how much you eat, you can never get so fat that mother will not offer you more food.
• If a mother does not have an item, she will have the recipe or the directions.
• The more times mother reminds you to take an umbrella, the greater the probability of rain.
• Accomplishments are made possible by your mother - failures are your own fault.
• Never forget who rocked you as a baby. That’s something else you will never be able to repay her for.
• Mother can always tell you a better way to do something after you’ve already done it.
• The longer it’s been since you cleaned house, the more likely it is that mother will visit.
• No matter how small your mom is, she will always be bigger than you are.
• The more you detest an item that belongs to your mother, the more likely it is that she will try to give it to you.
• If you do it yourself, mom could have done it better. If mom does it, you should have done it yourself.
• You never are as good as other people’s children. You are never as bad as mom imagines.
• The only thing more accurate than a mother’s advice is her memory of the times you didn’t take it.
• The funnier the joke is, the more likely mom will think it is dirty.
• Never tell your mother you have nothing to do. She can always find something.
• If the job of a mother is going smoothly, she thinks she isn’t doing it well.
• There are always two sides to a story - the way it really happened and the way mother remembers it.
• Mothers always “know.” We don’t know how - they just do.
• Murphy’s mother told him so.

This article was written by Sheila Moss, from Humor Columnist.Com and copied with her permission.
Copyright 2001 Sheila Moss

• a child will never ask Mom to get something until she sits down.
  Corollary - a child will only ask for a glass of milk after you put the milk carton back in the refrigerator.
  Sent by Lexia Gibson
• Call your Mom
  Sent by Nikki Hubbell-VanHoosear
• If your kid grows up to be like you its an insult, not to you, to the kid
  Sent by Mohammed Ram jackson
• You can fool some people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, but you can’t fool Mum
  Sent by Meself
• Small, teething children will chew on the most valuable thing within reach. The same goes for puppies and juvenile tigers, bears, or crocodiles.
  Sent by -?Anonymous!
• If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

When Santa had a flat

Competing in a Analyst Vendor Comparison - Part 1

I hope this will be a multi part post over the next month as I’m in the middle of a comparison by one of the big three analyst firms regarding our partner programs. As it is with Dragnet, the names are changed (or not mentioned) to protect the innocent. I also don’t want to affect the outcome by being too public, but since it is an analyst relations event that we all go through….. just the facts ma’am.

We received the questionnaire a week late from the original time line, but weren’t given an extension. Normally, this wouldn’t have been an issue as I’ve been working with a delta force team in ISV and Developer Relations (IDR) and I’ve “trained” them on the drill. Two things have changed. First, we’ve never done a report on our group with this firm so the unofficial rules of engagement are an unknown. I believe that while you need to follow rules, nuances are the make or break when there is an issue near the line where an answer or rating could go either way.

Second and this is the big issue, is my whole team turned over with the exception of me, so no one had ever dealt with an analyst and some are relatively new to the IDR program. This was a problem. We had to assemble a whole new team and get them to understand that not everything we do is important to an analyst. This discernment is a big issue when answering the questions properly. Overpowering a question with information is not the same as answering it properly. Conversely, we have to get them to understand what is important and answer the question asked.
Our ability to do well in this was in part governed by the questions asked for the rating. The analyst firm was very fair in giving all participating vendors the guidelines and asking our input beforehand, and asked if anyissues were not relevant or did they leave out something that was meaningful. This was one of our points to influence the report so we took the view of the reader (partner/ISV) and answered as to how they would read it and it appears that was of value to analyst.

I’ll give the analyst firm credit, they took the time to read our input and considered it, more than some have done for me in the past.

So I’m coaching a team of rookies that are playing in the big leagues (the competition in this one add up to hundreds of billions of revenue, no small potato’s) and this is the playoffs.

I’ll write further as the process goes forward and once over, I’ll reveal the results and perhaps the analyst firm . Normally, I’m quite confident in these as our programs are solid, but for this one, there are too many unknowns. If I had to guess, we’re a top 2 or 3, but again, there is no way of predicting.

The test of the quality of most things is by fire. So while it shouldn’t matter that we have all new people, the program should be capable and we should be able to do the normal good job we do. That discounts the human element of this, one incomplete or mis-interpreted answer could deal us a bad card. As they say in “The Gambler” every hand’s a winner and every hand’s a loser….

Who Knew I drove a Green Truck (actually it’s silver)

I thought it was because it was a big powerful 4×4, yank a stump outta da ground, haul the trash to the dump, throw a deer in the back, place to carry a gun, 16,000 lbs of towing because I pull a boat Dodge 2500 Ram Turbo Diesel.

Not that I believe CNN to be accurate on anything, except audience question planting at debates, but they say I drive a green truck.

Christmas Comic - Rudolph Gets Even

Christmas Comic - And you think you have problems

December 7th, 1941 the 66th Anniversary

Today is the 66th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor. Here is the link to the site for events today.
I listened once again to the famous day of infamy speech given by FDR to congress on December 8th, 1941 as I do every year. As always, it sent chills up my spine knowing that the United States of America was brutally attacked. A History of the attack is documented here.

I recalled my only visit to the Arizona Memorial. It was a gloomy day, which set the mood. It sits over the sunken USS Arizona and is the tomb for 1177 soldiers. Brave men who took a sucker punch from behind and never heard the speech the next day, because it was about them.  In all 2390 Americans lost their life in the attack.

We saw gun turret three where oil seeps nearby to the surface drop by drop to it all these years later.

I visited The Dauchau concentration camp also on a gloomy day years later. I had the same feeling. There were the daunting memories of tortured souls who died horrible deaths at the hands of the enemy.

Whenever I write about war or history, I get comments as to why do we fight, why do we have war, can’t we just get along. It occurs to me that since the days of Cain and Abel, there hasn’t been a time that man hasn’t been at war somewhere in the world. The strong survie, the weak are defeated or are overrun. What is the lesson there. It’s why I stand up for the 2nd Amendment and firmly believe that you should be able to take care of yourself. We are going to have war and we need to be able to defend ourselves. A good offense is the best defense against these types of attacks

While one can wish there wasn’t war, it makes me realize that there likely will always be, so we need to stay strong and fight the good fight. We should stick to our principles and not let those that don’t understand this divide us and bring us down. I am against the expansion of the government, but am firmly behind their commission to protect us at times of war.

Mostly, I give thanks to that generation who bravely volunteered in droves to preserve, defend and protect the United States of America. That their will to win was greater than that of the enemies, that good defeated evil.

My Favorite Racing Porsche of All Time

Once again, I’m posting a picture of a car from the Rennsport Reunion, which I attended recently with family.

This was the Porsche that starred in the movie Le Mans (the greatest racing movie ever made) and was driven and owned by Steve McQueen.  It is now owned by Jerry Seinfield.  Let me be clear that although I think Jerry is funny, it is because he’s a steller collector of vintage racing Porsche’s is why I respect him.  While he was a great actor, I think Steve McQueen is a Man’s man.  I saw him race in person in 1970 at the 12 Hours of Sebring (different car) and he nearly won the race, and he was held in high regard by other racers as a good driver.

That is not why it is my favorite racing Porsche. It is the car that my favorite driver Jo Siffert drove during the days when I developed my love for the sport of racing.  My Father instilled the respect for both Porsche’s and racing as he took me often.  I occasionally speak to people about racing and there are generally two reactions.  The first is wow, this is my favorite car and driver and series and so forth.  The second is I don’t get it, they just go round and round.  I’m of course in the first category.

I first saw this car come off of what is known as Nascar turn 4 at Daytona International Speedway at over 220 mph and brake to below 50 in a very short stretch of track, it was over for me…I was hooked.  At the 24 Hours of Le Mans in 1971, a similar 917 went 256 mph on the Mulsanne strait, not bad for 36 years ago with no computer graphic design to develop the car or wind tunnels to test them in.

Soon, I’ll post my favorite Porsche ever, but it’s because it belonged to my Dad.